Suddenly it's 2 years after

photo is from here:  http://flickrhivemind.net/Tags/bucketspade/Recent

I had sort of an epiphany today.... I remembered what i was doing today exactly 2 years ago. Yes, two years ago: melancholy mode ON!

So today, i woke up bright and early, went to work for 12 hours, contemplated what the hell i was doing there and if i'm cut out to do this sort of work- i think i am. On top of that, adding a tiny dose of melancholy, i wondered where my expectations and aspirations went and as a result decided to take drastic measures in order to change whatever it is i dont like. Oh, for the 50th time in 2012 that is. 

So August 27, 2012 i am working a 12 hours shift, i teach children aged 4-6 english and I spent more than i can afford on clothes, music, alcohol and having fun  and i am still looking for someone special. I, ladies and gentlemen, am a 25 year old with issues. But lets face it, so are you. 

So on the 27 of August, 2010 I was living abroad, i was just about finishing my MA dissertation and i couldnt wait for the real life to begin. I worked on my research paper all day and then proceeded to go out with a guy i hardly liked whilst sending a small birthday message to the guy i actually liked. 

The main problem in 2012 is i think the lack a source of inspiration. In each chapter of our lives there is an element that fuels us with inspiration. Anybody has seen mine?It is either a person or your will to be with a certain special someone, a combination of both or you simply just enjoy what you are doing so much. Er, wait, or you dont think too much like i do. 

I guess my point is that life goes in circles. Everyone has their problems, we just need to find a way to sort them out without causing too much damage on ourselves.there is i thin only one way to do that: being ourselves and finding our talent it's the only thing we'll have forever, and maybe true love too if we find it. 

about relationships

A great deal of your time as an unemployed youth is spent in wall observation and thinking.If you are a girl, this empty wall stare can lead to seriously complicated and panick driven thoughts. Let's face it, as human beings we ae bound to consider our relationships with other human beings.  You slowly discover that you subconsiously put people into categories: people you like more and people you like less, and people who are indifferent to you and even people you feel closely attached to but are far away. Social relationships are not hard to categorize, if something, they are easy. The scale is the degree of closeness you have to the other person and you move along with your tags. 

But with romantic relationships it is a bit harder. I have concluded after extensive research and personal ...er....disappointment (?)  that the categorization must be done according to the most obvious characteristic of the person: a musician, the bipolar, the lacking-self-confidence, the one that thinks he can get you and plays it cool but when you dont care he goes crazy, the one in a relationship, the musician in a relationship, the one who wears briefs, the anarchist, the self obsessed, the virgin, the one whos waiting for love like in the movies, the younger than you and the list goes on and on and on. The truth is that we see this characteristic but we choose to ignore it. Always always, we ignore it.To be more accurate, we choose to ignore it.

It's not like we want to get ourselves in the situation of disappointment, it's more our need to experience strong feelings. I see what it's like to be swept of your feet by romance or to be anxious to receive that call. There is a hint of masochism in love, lets face it. The kind of maschism when we are starving ourselves before the big date, the 3day wait till we get in touch, the tremendous hours of wondering why he said this and not that and the list goes on. It's never nice if someone just stops talking to you, but in the long-term it's probably for the best. 

I suppose you need to get through a lot of stones till you find your diamond.